We Are Having a Baby
Hi everyone!
This is a post I have looked forward to writing for a very long time. This is an announcement I have longed to make for almost a decade.
There are so many things I wish I could have shared before that I can finally say in this post.
Having a baby after experiencing loss is scary and vulnerable. At the same time, it is a roller coaster of joy, gratitude, and happy tears.
For many years, I dreamed of being able to write these words.
We are having a baby.
On January 6th, we got our first positive pregnancy test after a long journey of trying to conceive. We were so excited and hopeful.
In February, I was at New York Fashion Week by myself. After my last backstage event, I started miscarrying. When I got back home to Massachusetts, I had an ultrasound the following day, and we learned that the baby no longer had a heartbeat.
A few days later, I had to undergo an abortion, or in more medical terms, a procedure called a D&C. While it was one of the most difficult moments of my life, I also felt fortunate to have access to that care, knowing that this type of procedure is illegal or heavily restricted in some states across the U.S. Women have died after being denied timely medical treatment, even in situations like mine, where the pregnancy was no longer viable and there was no heartbeat.
Losing that baby was heartbreaking. It brought grief, questions, and sadness that are difficult to put into words.
Especially after my previous losses, I found myself wondering, maybe I should just give up. Maybe motherhood was not for me. Maybe I was trying to force something that was never going to happen.
For a while, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to share the details of my journey through motherhood.
But one thing I learned after losing my baby girl, Julia, shortly after birth, and after my miscarriage earlier this year, is that I am not alone.
Since that happened, I have learned from a number of women I met through my color analysis appointments that many of them have experienced losses of their own. Yet we rarely talk about it. We push through and keep going. We show up to work, take care of our families, smile, and move forward, often carrying grief that nobody can see.
So I decided to share my journey.
I want other women walking this path to know they are not alone. In sharing our stories, we remind each other that there is hope, even when things feel impossible.
After my D&C, I got pregnant again incredibly fast. It was kind of surreal.
We had been trying for a long time, and the positive test would never come. Then, all of a sudden, there it was again, only a few weeks later.
I remember calling Brendon and saying, "I think I'm pregnant again."
At the time, he was at the liquor store getting me a bottle of wine. The moment I told him, I could hear the happiness in his voice. He walked right back out of the store because, suddenly, that bottle of wine was no longer needed.
We were in baby heaven. So happy and honestly a little bit in disbelief.
So far, this pregnancy has been calm, and we have had no issues whatsoever. We are incredibly thankful for that, and for all the support we have received along the way.
We waited extra long to make this announcement because, after everything we have been through, it is still hard to believe. Hard to believe that after all these years, I might finally come home with a baby in my arms.
This is my fourth pregnancy, and I have no babies at home.
Just imagine how much this means to us.
There are moments when I still catch myself thinking, "Is this really happening?" After years of hoping, grieving, trying again, and learning to live with uncertainty, it is difficult to fully put into words what this pregnancy means to our family.
I have been a little quiet lately, and now you know why. This pregnancy, our growing family, and the clients who have shown up for me through all of it. That is exactly where my energy has needed to go, and I do not take that for granted.
I have been saving my energy for this pregnancy, for our growing family, and for the wonderful clients who have supported me through all of it.
To my clients, thank you. Thank you for your kindness, your patience, and your support throughout all of this. Many of you celebrated with me, encouraged me, shared your own stories, and reminded me that I was not alone. I am so grateful for each of you.
I am now 16 weeks pregnant, and our baby boy, Calvin, is on the way.
As my mother-in-law likes to say, "Shared joy is doubled joy, and shared sorrow is half sorrow."
I wanted to share both.
I wanted to share the sorrow because I know so many women carry these stories quietly and feel alone. And I wanted to share the joy because, after all these years, this little boy is a dream come true for our family.
Brendon, Picard, Marshmallow, and I cannot wait to meet our newest family member.
Thank you for being here, and thank you for your love and support. It means more to us than you know.
Ana Harris - Personal Stylist
Color Analysis - Wardrobe Styling
Studio in Fall River, MA - Serving clients from Rhode Island, Boston, and beyond.
